A quick 11 months later!!

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for their positive thoughts, prayers and uplifting words of encouragement! Don’t stop anytime soon, okay?

Well, my surgery came off without a hitch! It was just a quick 7 hours after the nurse said “Lay back and relax,” I opened my eyes, and was in my hospital room looking at the person in the chair across the room, thinking “Who the heck IS that?!!”

As Garth Brooks says “January's always bitter, but Lord this one beats all”. As if my upcoming surgery on the 22nd was not enough to have to contend with in January, my sweet sweet husband was also in the process of losing his mother, eventually saying goodbye to her on the 19th. The family didn't get to have much of a choice as to the day of the funeral due to other scheduling conflicts, and as luck(?) would have it - the funeral was scheduled for the 22nd, the same day as my surgery. My husband, wouldn't hear of me changing my surgery - for one thing, we had had to wait for the surgery date to roll around for quite awhile(or at least it SEEMED like it), and the tension was getting pretty palpable. But this situation put my poor husband in a bit of a predicament – he would have to leave the hospital in the middle of my surgery to be at his mother's funeral. I tried to tell him not to worry about me – I was just gonna be laying there like a big lump of Michelle, outta my head with good drugs – I told him I would be JUST FINE while he was gone. He still worried. I will never forget the tears in his eyes as we said goodbye that morning at the operating room doors– I held my tears until I got INTO the room - and then I just burst. The nurses were so kind – I am sure they thought I was grieving for MY loss, little did they know that I wouldn’t do that until months later!(and that saga continues). I will have to say I remember NOTHING after one of the nurses hugged me – they must have been thinking “Put her OUT, put her OUT!!” : )

Several hours later, I opened my eyes to see - um - my landord (?!) sitting in a chair, smiling at me. Her son, who works with my husband, told her about us – and that is all it took. I have been glad to know her. She truly tries to live as a follower of Christ. I can’t say I know anyone like her, (which is a shame since I know a big old bunch of people that claim to be followers as well - we are SO missing the mark guys : ) But, at any rate, I was NOT alone when I woke up that day. She sat quietly and told me to rest, and then left when my husband was able to return. So – we made it thru the day – only a LITTLE worse for wear!

During the months since the surgery, every 1-2 weeks I would go to the doctor and they would “fill” the expanders to stretch my skin, about 60 cc’s each time (on our way to 650-700). The doctor was pretty cautious. He wanted to move slowly, especially with Miss Lefty – she’s a bit of a diva you know. She had radiation several years ago – and you know, radiation doesn’t actually IMPROVE your skin and tissue really. It sort of, oh I dunno, tears it UP!!! Only recently have some surgeons tried to reconstruct a radiated breast – some times (most?? times) the skin is just not strong enough to take the stretching or can’t hold the implant because of weakness and can actually die. But, my skin seemed to be doing well. I was scheduled to undergo some scar revision surgery in September, but that was still a few weeks away.

In August, I went to visit some friends in Tennessee, and visited a small recording studio while I was there. I had been wanting to record some songs for a friend (she likes 'standards' from the 1940's and on) - so I recorded several for her – I have attached three of them here. One of these days I am going to post them all on michellemartinmusic.com, but it is still under construction! I THINK you will have to download the.wma files to your computer and then play them.



I had a barrel of fun recording them – but keep in mind – this was a teeny studio and I’m no professional. So, I guess what I am saying is, listen at your own risk! : )

Soon after I came home from Tennessee, I had my scar revision surgery on the left side. The doctor cut out the scarred skin, rebuilt some stuff inside,lifted my expander and then closed it ALL up with a big pretty bow! : ) It was a big overhaul of the faux booby on that side!! Now, the right side – let me tell you - SHE is ready to go anytime, it is amazing – I mean – for the most part it looks like a breast – a weird smooth Barbie-kind of a breast – but still. The skin is beautiful (no radiation see) and when a soft implant is in, she will be juuuust Right! get it - hee hee

About two weeks ago, I noticed a spot on “Lefty”, I knew almost instantly what was up. I tried to keep the hysteria at a minimum – but of course, all night, I thought about that spot. When I got to my regularly scheduled appointment that next day with my surgeon – he looked at it, clicked his tongue several times, shook his head, muttered under his breath about the radiated skin. WHO is he talking to?? Not me for sure! : ) At any rate, when he got into the “wound” {great} he said he did see evidence of necrotic tissue, the skin is dying. He cut the bad tissue out, and stitched it, and asked me to come back in a week. Well, long story longer (and kind of crappier) – I came back in a week, and when the stitches were taken out, the skin seemed fine there – but a new place had started. Again, with the clucking and the shaking of the head. He sat in his chair in silence for awhile – I mean, a looooong while, thinking about what to do. He explained (he apparently thinks I am NEW here) that the skin is just too damaged to hold the implant, and I need to start getting used to the idea of possibly NOT having an implant – just being flat on that side. Cue: Hysteria. By the way, if you were one of the people that were lucky enough to receive a call from me or a message from me - thank you all for being wonderful and patient with my breakdowns. Okay – so, this is what we may have to deal with, and to be honest, I am still working this all out in my mind. For some reason, I thought a kind of ugly, strangely colored breast was better than none. Does the phrase “Mastectomy Lingerie” MEAN anything to you? It’s as sad as is it scarce. How do I convince myself that I am still a “sexy” “young” (pffft) “woman” with this flat place staring me in the....chest??

Not all is lost though. : ) I have an appointment to meet my surgeon at the “wound center” (catchy name!) and he is going to try to do that voodoo that he...does, and try to save that skin. I SWEAR it looks like it is healing by itself, my skin hasn't let me down yet (the audacity of hope). : ) I'll let you know more - 11 months from now!!


"Lord please shine a light of hope
On those of us who fall behind
And when we stumble in the snow
Could you help us up while there's still time..."

THE ONES THE WOLVES PULL DOWN
Garth Brooks